Fathers of the days

You know some things you really don’t share with people because you afraid that they will not understand or relate to you if you emitted them to people because they don’t know that feeling of loosing someone you really love and every year you go through the same affects.i sit sometimes in in the night just thinking how it would have been if he was still here and growing up seeing him once or  twice a month sometime for a long time have be quite hard.so comes the fathers day which is painful to celebrate knowing that you hardly knew your father and that the chance of telling him that you loved him so much is no more.

So some days i would just sit and feed myself with memories it i can feel that love that he told me he had for me when i was a child.you grow up safe guarding each decision you make because there is no one to say: “baby that one was not the correct way to handle that issue or just a cliche line like son i am proud of you and i must say you are good”.i am talking about that guidance from a father and those advises that he would pull up his sleeves.

i always remember this one which i think has kept me afloat and always scored me blessings on some level,He say:”Nolo i want you to respect your mother because she is the closest person you have”.oh he was quite drunk that day but i felt his words like i was in the future because today those words still rings in my subconscious and i can vividly see him in my head.

the year of his passing he called me a lot which i didn't understand till this day because now when i think about it.i feel like he knew something that he didn't assert to me but wanted to make sure that i understood his love for me and little brother because he was young, but it is of this day called father’s day i remember those conversations that were endless on the 30th of each month from the January to may of 2007.

what i can see is that it gets so gloomy i need that father advise which i never find.when i am in those moments of displacement i was taught by my mother that you pray  to God ask for guidance because no one can give you that insight you need other than God Almighty.so far i have lived without any advise from any being but i try to learn from everyone that have good view about life and have understand of gentleness.

so as it get hard every year i found a therapeutic way of talking about my unawesomized fatherly department which is writing that way i feel way better and develop a great understanding of myself.in some way this encourages me to introspect my self and built my character to aspire to be an awesome dad like my day was although we spent time apart but he made sure that he fill the space with a phone call once a month for many hour.his passing brought me a great heartache because i had only Christmas holidays to sit with him and listen to the stories and joke together with my cousins.

so those moment i spend with him were valuable to him and he brought me cheese every time he came home hence why today i love cheese so much.so instead of celebrating fathers day i celebrate fathers of the days because i can just bring smiles upon my face each day by exacting one of the greatest memories i have of him.so i know that a certain decision is not easy i would just tap into the wisdom that he prepared me in and ask myself what would daddy do?and also pray to get the best advice.

so for those that you still got dads i think you should be grateful of their presence in your lives because it is not always that you that lucky and also an advise to the fathers cherish your kid, sons and daughters.this is by little thing like telling them that you love them more than anything and to hold on to your words for guidance when you are apart.i am proud of myself because i turned out ok for someone who spend time living alone for year apart from family because of school.so the conversations that i had with so many people in my life have contributed in making me a humbled, caring and resilient person i am today.

one of the most powerful things that really still enhance and illuminate my life today is prayer and my faith in the Lord.so i hope everyone celebrates their fathers day with their favourite fathers in the whole wide world every year know that love of the father never disappear.happy fathers of the day and love the dad i had because he was the best.

I guess nostalgia was setting in!