Pit of memory

There are those people when you think of them your heart just go into emotional shock and you start complaining to God for taking them because they were just too close to your heart then anything in this world.I lost my dad a while ago in 2007 when i was still in high school and sometimes it feels like i have not got over his death because at times i would miss him so much like he went to some place that i will be able to see him in Christmas or New years, overall what i can say is that my Dad was an awesome father who made my life fun from my childhood until i reached my teenage years.at this age that i am in sometime you need that fatherly advise and knowing that its not available when you need it just disappoints.

You listen to people praising their fathers for their awesomeness in their lives and you think of how it would have been if he was here to spend time with you and teach you how to be a man with wisdom and a personality of a king and a father with so much love for everyone that is in one's heart.i have learned how to be my own man with my father in absentia because i grew up alone away from my family and in that time i have learned a great deal about life,also went through challenges that no one have to go through without people of wisdom around them to advise when required.i was able to conquer through them and see light in that manner it only gives you knowledge to be wise enough to advise people that will go through those challenges in life.

I sometimes ask myself how i was able to prosper on my own but i can see that something of greater power have enabled be to carry on fighting the good fight and to not give up in myself.I guess the at this moment the only thing that i have that gives me push is how i remember what my Dad did things and the love he gave and taught me to give to those that are close to my heart and respect that he had for life,because he over came mountainous challenges and he was able to come out on top.i remember his will to live and how his peers respected him and loved him because he was more than a friend to them but a brother that cared for them.

With the way i know myself i know all the qualities that made him the man he was,are there in me because i blend in nicely with my peers and be a brother to many without any intention other than to just care for the people around me.being with people from different backgrounds displaying the teachings of their fathers i am able to learn from them and be a perfect man if i may say so, hanging around elders with adequate wisdom as men and how they handle themselves in crowds and around important people.

But the overall effect that one should have on people is that of good statutes, a humble, caring, respecting and honorable man with class of his own that appreciates everyone for who they are and what they stand for.i learned that pride is a weakness and one looses the respect from people he is among and humbleness is a strength and magnet for people to give all their trust to you.

Keeping sane

My biggest friend and fan in the whole world is me because i can spend the whole day by myself and have those intense conversations and reflect on life and other things that matter to me. this way i put my life on a pedestal looking at what i do daily and if its awesome enough for me, i don't really care much about random people poking around my life and giving input in what they don't know. i do thing in extremely unique manner and having something that does not compliment my system of living.

i sometimes get comment like you are arrogant and selfish which i am not i just do things according to my sense compared to those that confuse me so its very hard to work on someone's idea.i only do things my way because that's the only way i know how to,i don't understand myself sometimes because i always surprise myself in many situations of my life.i know all things are risk to initiate because failure is inevitable in many situations but i choose to do so, that way i would be measuring my strengths and weakness because one can never measure their strength or weakness in things you excel in, in you sleep! there must be a total challenge that way you will know if you suck or can still excel in that aspect.

this is what everyone do because actually one can not live without consulting themselves sometimes, until you come that time when you are emotionally compromised and you need them bffs to step in to give you light.so in other words i am saying that i am not crazy just trust me and me only and there is no crime in doing that.so far in my life there is not much of damage in terms of dreams and my christian life, my faith growing each day which is what is important ultimately.
 

Losing something you love

I thought i had everything i wanted, something so precious that i wanted to share with the world but i was very wrong so time says.i was once told by a woman of wisdom who i encountered in my life in the past and she was very old but still took care of herself. she said there would be time in the future or now when the people who you love want to get out of your life and when that time arrives you must not be selfish towards what they want and don't stand in their way to prevent them from moving on with their lives. she said let them go because you love them enough to allow them do what they want, so i listened. what an incredible old wise woman i consider her now because what she said stack in my head and also made me make my decisions with order and guidance.

I loved this woman with all my heart and everything that is of my being but sometimes you notice thing in the eyes of your loved once that concerns you very much and since they don't want to talk about the you keep quiet  so that with time when they consider what is eating them away from you is! i thought to myself that things were still great since nothing has not been said to show that there is a problem of some sort. simple guy that i am thought that with the love that i have for her would be as great in her but that was not the case so i found out.i don't like them fights and weird ways of doing thing and sometimes i find myself very unique and unorthodox. i finally asked one question that was bothering me for a while and said:"My love are you happy in this relationship of ours? i mean its been 10 months already but you going astray every time i see you.she says with complete honesty so i asked of her, No i am not! because its boring!

It was like someone kidnapped me the first month we started seeing one another and performed a cardiology surgery and implanted a time bomb in my chest. when she said that the bomb exploded and just messed up my chest internally because it hurt thus far and i'm picking up all the pieces putting together. but the problem is that i love her and care for her even now and the love has the same intensity as the pain she gave me.so the pain cancels/musks the love and when i think of her i just feel nothing because i am numb.losing something you fency in this manner just mess things so much you just look at people who appreciate you and think they will do the same.only if there was a pill that could make all this go away only if.maybe i would feel better with time i always know how to pick them don't i? i hope she finds someone who would make her happy and show her the beauty of love.

I shall soldier on and find my path or maybe my destiny which awaits me.